Give The Gift of Love

Married/couples, those in relationships, can play a big part in introducing your single friends to a future of happiness. As we move past the traditional holiday season into a new year many singles would rather not go through another holiday season single. Giving the gift of love could be a priceless gift you could give to a friend or colleague. There are so many wonderful stories out there of how people have been introduced by someone they knew. This year consider being one of those great conversations of how you introduced a couple to each other.
Singles, if you are serious about not being single start telling everyone you know you are interested in meeting singles they know. And those in relationships or married let others you know that you have an awesome friend that is single that deserves to find love. Ask those you know if they know other singles and neither of you should feel responsible for the outcome of making an introduction. Ask those you do business with or services, friends, tennis partners etc. who they know who is single. Make the introduction and let them take it from there. Keep in mind most people did not meet their mate after one introduction so be willing to continue to introduce single friends to others. Also, very important, do not prejudge who would be best for your friend or colleague to meet because more often than not you are making assumptions based on your own tastes and knowledge of that person. You won’t be dating them so let fate take its course without your two cents.
A woman I know had signed up for an online site after over a year of dating and meeting like over 30 men that friends had introduced her too that had not worked out. Then she decided why not give online dating a try. So one evening after a work function she and her friend were walking to their cars so she shared she had finally bit the bullet to try to meet men outside her circle of influence to see who else might be out there. Her friend asked if she knew the man’s name she was meeting which she did but the friend said nothing except to let her know when she was home safely from the outting. Thinking she could do anything for about an hour she went and met the guy close to home for a drink. What she thought would be 45 minutes to an hour turned into 3 hours and finding a life partner. What’s important to note that after the two had been dating a bit it came out that this man and her friend had been neighbors but she had chosen not to say anything to influence the out-come. Mind you the friend would have never have thought to set them up to begin with, but could not believe how awesome they were together.
Lesson learned for all their friends not to prejudge who is best for one another. That is not to say that when you know certain things about a person that it might be useful at some point to give a heads up by finding an appropriate time to share just in the case the information might help in determining red flags in the relationship. That being said let things take their course to get started! No better gift to give a person you care about than the “gift of love”.

Do’s and Don’ts for Online Dating

Do’s
Try out a couple of sites
Pay the monthly upgrade from free – generally those that pay are more serious about being in a relationship verses serial dating
Photos need to enhance your image – use of professional photos is fine, when using personal photo’s make sure background is interesting or says something about you
Take time to answer the questions
Have someone proof before putting online
Pay attention to your gut feeling….there are scammers on the sites
Respond to those who interest you in a timely manner
Don’ts
No selfies, No blah backgrounds
Ex-spouses, partners, old relationships – it infers not ready for a new commitment
Lie or be deceitful – put up recent pics, use current age , list only activities you enjoy doing
Spill your life story – tell enough about yourself, your relationship goals and leave the rest to when you are getting to the other person (this is more about what you put in responses to a contact vs a profile)
Ladies-dont initiate – men are innately hunters so let them seek you out, you can put them in your favorite file or if a site where you can click yes, no, maybe that’s okay too, otherwise let them contact you

Civility in Dating

Online dating and use of social media has raised the level of impersonal communication which is in direct conflict of developing a personal relationship. Although the tools are great for casting ones net broader the use of them such as texting, Facebook, and emailing to communicate is just that a means of communicating. Once a connection has been made personally, a face to face encounter, it is important that a “touch communication” such as calling be used to set up the next date. Given that the object of dating is to get to know someone better we must keep in mind that each encounter be it face to face or by phone needs to foster getting to know the other person better so that one can evaluate if they should continue to give of their time and energy to grow the relationship. Since this article is about after the first date the use of online dating communication tools to even have a first date will not be covered.

Gentlemen, if you say you are going to call-call!  If you set up a date or suggest a dating experience follow through on it. Be respectful of the other person especially if you run in the same circles, professionally overlap, have mutual friends, etc. You also may not be aware of whom they know that can have a negative impact on you at a later date. Do not ever feel like you have to say I will call you or get back with you shortly. Instead, be cordial and let them know you appreciated meeting them so that if you not sure if you want to see them again you have not obligated yourself. Same for you women!

Ladies, men were created with a hunting instinct. Though most do not hunt for food these days the instinct is still innate. Therefore, let them hunt, let them seek you out, allow for desire to heighten. If you aren’t a priority now you are not going to be a priority later. On social dating sites click save for favorites, can click like on some sites but do not contact them unless they contact you first. Part of hunting is preparation so let him reach out to you and he should plan the date or meet up. He is also responsible for following up afterwards.  Do not text him, send a message on Facebook to remind him what a great time you had unless he has done the same to you first. Do not give him more than he gives you. If he texts, answer, keep it brief, and do not ask a question or flood him with excess information about what you have been up too. If he calls but does not leave a message wait until he calls you back. If you miss the call, call him back but not over and over again. If he is interested in you, he will call back.

Try to not let modern technology play mind games with you. Like well perhaps he didn’t get my text or my phone message. Does it happen sometimes-yes but the reality is if he is in to you, he will want to see and talk to you. Let it go otherwise as hard as it may be to do so. Best to know early whether you are a priority in his life or not. Better the door to close before it flies wide open then needs to slam shut to minimize the hurt. The exception is when you might have known the person or know you will see each other and would like to at least keep things on a friendship level. In that case, but not necessarily, give it a day or so and return the contact made previously with a brief message that you hope they received your message. Ex: “Thought I would touch base and make sure the message  left a couple of days ago you had received. Hope you are having a great week. Suzy” At least then you know you were civil and made sure you had communicated your intentions so if to see each other down the road you knew you had handled things like you would with any friend which is to be respectful, to remain civil.

Keep in mind that not everyone is as ready to date as they make think they are. Sometimes they don’t even know themselves until they step out into the dating world. Dating doesn’t have to be difficult. Some people chose to make it that way. Be leery of those that say they hate confrontation or drama because generally they are the very ones that create it by their actions or in-actions.

It is best to stay honest. The truth is always better and less complicated. It’s called being respectful of the other human being.

5 Ways Your Saboting Your Relationship

So your love life is starting to turn sour. Hey, it happens—don’t rely on Nicholas Sparks for an accurate depiction of romance. But although things may be going haywire, you don’t have to give up just yet. Here are five signs you’re damaging your own relationship as well as how to fix it!

1. You Don’t Trust Him Around Other Girls
Unless he’s given you a reason not to trust him around females (in which case, you’re probably better off without him anyways), you need to chill, girl. Jealousy is just a petty and unattractive emotion—it makes you look insecure, and who wants to be with someone who’s not comfortable with herself?

If you’re having trouble trusting your guy, it could be because you were hurt in a past relationship. “Many women carry baggage from previous relationships,” says Adam LoDolce, dating coach and founder of Sexy Confidence. “In other words, they’ve been cheated on in the past, so they assume it will happen again.”

Bringing your old relationship issues into this one isn’t fair to your current guy. “The hard part is not letting past grievances be heaped on someone who had nothing to do with your old stuff,” says dating coach Margie Burciaga. Try to let go of your past and give this relationship a chance. Not every guy has bad intentions.

2. You’re Constantly on His Case
PLEASE don’t leave your toothbrush on the counter, how many times have I asked you?”
“Babe, you’ve worn that hoodie three days in a row now.”
“Can you not put your shoes in the middle of the floor? We’ve been over this.”
“Don’t you have homework you should be doing?”

OMG GIRL, STOP IT. Nobody likes to be nagged! “Nagging him doesn’t enhance special feelings about you, it makes him feel inadequate,” says online dating expert Gina Stewart. “Who wants to be with someone who makes them feel bad about themselves?”

Remember when your mom used to bug you about cleaning your room or getting your homework done or picking up after yourself, and you felt annoyed? You’re being his mom now—and he doesn’t like it. He wants a girlfriend, not an extra mommy. So relax.

If something is really bugging you, bring it up nicely and with a smile. “State what you want and why it’s important, then give space for an answer and take what he says at face value, along with listening to what he says,” Burciaga says. “Men generally tell you exactly where they are coming from.”

3. You Always Want to Hang Out With Him
When you find someone really cool, sometimes we ladies have a tendency to get—well, dependent, to put it nicely. If you find yourself getting furious when he turns down your near-frantic “Can we hang out?” inquiries, then you know you’ve crossed over to clingy.

“When a woman is too clingy and expecting to get all of her excitement and validation from constantly being with her man, it slowly chokes the life out of the relationship,” says Marla Martenson, a matchmaker, author and motivational speaker.

The truth is harsh, but it’s this: nothing will make a guy ditch you faster than your over bearingness. Who likes to feel smothered? That’s right—no one. So try to back off a little.

“Not giving him space—this is a result of not having your own friends and life,” LoDolce says. “He won’t want a life with you unless you have a life without him. Pursue a passion, get a hobby, grab drinks with your girlfriends.”

4. You Over analyze Everything
How many times have you read a text over and over, trying to decipher exactly what it meant? Or maybe you’ve replayed a scene in your head a thousand times, trying to break it down further and further. You worry and obsess about every little thing he says or does—and that’s not healthy.

“Guys are generally pretty straightforward–they tell it like it is,” says Laurie Davis, founder and CEO of eFlirt Expert. “There is no reading between the lines. But women over analyze everything and often think there is a greater meaning to everything he says. Ultimately, over analyzing can push him away entirely.”

So, what’s the solution? Actually talking to your guy rather than stressing over what you think he might have meant. “Open communication is always best, so if you’re ever unsure of what he means when he says something, ask!” Davis says

5. Your Expectations Are Too High

Are you one of those girls who have lengthy lists of every quality their ideal man must possess? “In budding relationships, I often observe women building up a guy or a relationship up before it’s really anything tangible,” says Davis. “But when you do this, he will never live up to your expectations. Fantasies are not reality.”

So take a breather and burn that list, because finding a man without flaws is impractical. Love isn’t always like your fave romance movie; in fact, it’s usually not.

Also, don’t get ahead of yourself (i.e., don’t start asking him about what kind of father he’d be on the fourth date). “Keep two feet planted on the ground,” Davis says. “It’s okay to think about him, but try to reminisce over something he said or did on your last date rather than imagining what it will feel like to walk down the aisle together.”

If you’re engaging in any of the above behaviors, your relationship could be in trouble. But listening to the advice of these experts should make fixing your problems relatively easy! Channel your inner superwoman and be proactive about your problems. After all, this relationship may just be worth saving.

By Ashley McDonald in Relationships

https://www.hercampus.com/love/relationships/5-ways-you-re-sabotaging-your-relationship

 

Preparing For Rush

MARGARET KING of Birmingham, Ala., was at a loss about how to help her older daughter prepare to rush at the University of Virginia. In the South, where sororities have long been a momentous rite of passage, the road to sisterhood is long and not so clearly marked.

So Mrs. King, who graduated from Yale in 1984, before it had any sororities, enlisted the aid of Marlea Foster and Pat Grant, local consultants who had coached their own daughters through rush at Furman, the University of Georgia and Auburn University. Naming themselves the Rushbiddies, they opened shop in 2009 after hearing about the rush misfortunes of their daughters’ friends. About 50 mothers and their “chicks,” as the Biddies affectionately call them, attended one of their two-day workshops in April ($100 a couple), complete with mock rush party, wardrobe hints and paperwork prep. Read the article at NY Times.