Do’s and Don’ts for Online Dating

Do’s
Try out a couple of sites
Pay the monthly upgrade from free – generally those that pay are more serious about being in a relationship verses serial dating
Photos need to enhance your image – use of professional photos is fine, when using personal photo’s make sure background is interesting or says something about you
Take time to answer the questions
Have someone proof before putting online
Pay attention to your gut feeling….there are scammers on the sites
Respond to those who interest you in a timely manner
Don’ts
No selfies, No blah backgrounds
Ex-spouses, partners, old relationships – it infers not ready for a new commitment
Lie or be deceitful – put up recent pics, use current age , list only activities you enjoy doing
Spill your life story – tell enough about yourself, your relationship goals and leave the rest to when you are getting to the other person (this is more about what you put in responses to a contact vs a profile)
Ladies-dont initiate – men are innately hunters so let them seek you out, you can put them in your favorite file or if a site where you can click yes, no, maybe that’s okay too, otherwise let them contact you

Civility in Dating

Online dating and use of social media has raised the level of impersonal communication which is in direct conflict of developing a personal relationship. Although the tools are great for casting ones net broader the use of them such as texting, Facebook, and emailing to communicate is just that a means of communicating. Once a connection has been made personally, a face to face encounter, it is important that a “touch communication” such as calling be used to set up the next date. Given that the object of dating is to get to know someone better we must keep in mind that each encounter be it face to face or by phone needs to foster getting to know the other person better so that one can evaluate if they should continue to give of their time and energy to grow the relationship. Since this article is about after the first date the use of online dating communication tools to even have a first date will not be covered.

Gentlemen, if you say you are going to call-call!  If you set up a date or suggest a dating experience follow through on it. Be respectful of the other person especially if you run in the same circles, professionally overlap, have mutual friends, etc. You also may not be aware of whom they know that can have a negative impact on you at a later date. Do not ever feel like you have to say I will call you or get back with you shortly. Instead, be cordial and let them know you appreciated meeting them so that if you not sure if you want to see them again you have not obligated yourself. Same for you women!

Ladies, men were created with a hunting instinct. Though most do not hunt for food these days the instinct is still innate. Therefore, let them hunt, let them seek you out, allow for desire to heighten. If you aren’t a priority now you are not going to be a priority later. On social dating sites click save for favorites, can click like on some sites but do not contact them unless they contact you first. Part of hunting is preparation so let him reach out to you and he should plan the date or meet up. He is also responsible for following up afterwards.  Do not text him, send a message on Facebook to remind him what a great time you had unless he has done the same to you first. Do not give him more than he gives you. If he texts, answer, keep it brief, and do not ask a question or flood him with excess information about what you have been up too. If he calls but does not leave a message wait until he calls you back. If you miss the call, call him back but not over and over again. If he is interested in you, he will call back.

Try to not let modern technology play mind games with you. Like well perhaps he didn’t get my text or my phone message. Does it happen sometimes-yes but the reality is if he is in to you, he will want to see and talk to you. Let it go otherwise as hard as it may be to do so. Best to know early whether you are a priority in his life or not. Better the door to close before it flies wide open then needs to slam shut to minimize the hurt. The exception is when you might have known the person or know you will see each other and would like to at least keep things on a friendship level. In that case, but not necessarily, give it a day or so and return the contact made previously with a brief message that you hope they received your message. Ex: “Thought I would touch base and make sure the message  left a couple of days ago you had received. Hope you are having a great week. Suzy” At least then you know you were civil and made sure you had communicated your intentions so if to see each other down the road you knew you had handled things like you would with any friend which is to be respectful, to remain civil.

Keep in mind that not everyone is as ready to date as they make think they are. Sometimes they don’t even know themselves until they step out into the dating world. Dating doesn’t have to be difficult. Some people chose to make it that way. Be leery of those that say they hate confrontation or drama because generally they are the very ones that create it by their actions or in-actions.

It is best to stay honest. The truth is always better and less complicated. It’s called being respectful of the other human being.

Preparing For Rush

MARGARET KING of Birmingham, Ala., was at a loss about how to help her older daughter prepare to rush at the University of Virginia. In the South, where sororities have long been a momentous rite of passage, the road to sisterhood is long and not so clearly marked.

So Mrs. King, who graduated from Yale in 1984, before it had any sororities, enlisted the aid of Marlea Foster and Pat Grant, local consultants who had coached their own daughters through rush at Furman, the University of Georgia and Auburn University. Naming themselves the Rushbiddies, they opened shop in 2009 after hearing about the rush misfortunes of their daughters’ friends. About 50 mothers and their “chicks,” as the Biddies affectionately call them, attended one of their two-day workshops in April ($100 a couple), complete with mock rush party, wardrobe hints and paperwork prep. Read the article at NY Times.